Saturday, February 26, 2011

How to Get Your Product Banned or How to Become the Most Hated Idiot in SL

by Cummere Mayo

Its been a while since I've posted. Partly cause I've been very busy, partly because I cannot talk about some of what I have had to talk about. (Two reasons for the later, some of it Ive been asked/told not to, and the other because some of it makes me far too angry.) But I'm back and I have something to say.

As a content creator, (albeit a not so great one), it takes ALLOT of effort to make a great product and ship it to market. It takes patience and work to get noticed. You depend allot on word of mouth advertising. Every single trustworthy content creator, and even most untrustworthy ones will tell you this. Heck even LL will tell you this. So the last thing most of you want to do is get your product banned. Most of you want to make a long term profit and want your products to be fondly remembered and have people sad when you discontinue them, or leave Second Life, or whatever. For all of you, that want to have products that leave a lasting fondness and are well beloved don't read this. It doesn't apply to you.

For those of you that want to make a quick buck and have your name go down in the history of SL by any means necessary read on!

1) Form an LLC and claim it makes you invincible in a court of law! Seriously, you want everyone to know it would be pointless to sue you that way you don't have to waste time on lawyers in the first place right?

2) Spout off as if you know the laws of your area and that your product absolutely positively follows them, even when anyone with google can immediately spot at least four laws you're breaking. I mean if you can keep people thinking that either you're ignorant or an idiot they will be less likely to actually follow through with filing charges or suing you, and those with an even lower iq then you will become your loyal followers.

3) State that the TOS and CS doesn't apply to your product. In fact on your product advertise that it breaks at at least three or four provisions of the CS and TOS. Hey at least when people finally catch on you can claim you were upfront about it!

4) Pick a threat and blow it out of proportion. Better yet pick three, but market design and market your product to all three of them. Copybots, greifers, and stalkers do great for this. You can scare customers into buying your product by stating that it protects against all so they rush to buy it. Just leave out that really that Copybots, griefers, and stalkers are the only ones with a legitimate use for it!

5) Vilify those that won't buy it or use it. Everyone that doesn't buy your product means more money you don't have! So make sure to tell the world that the only people that don't want your product, fear your product, or worse know exactly what it does (probably better then you do) must have a reason. They won't by my product, they must be griefers stalkers and copybotters! that way people will feel they have to buy it and use it to avoid being labeled like that.

6) Make a database with illegally obtained information, claim its legal, and then make the opt out process require an account that by the terms and services of your service allows you to do exactly what they want opted out of. "Don't want me to reveal information about you? Fine. Join my website and opt out there. Why join? Because anyone could say you want opted out and not really be you! Oh and by the way by registering on my site, you agree that I can collect information about you anyways, and use it however I want." Aren't catch22's just great?

7) Make enemies and cause drama. People on the sidelines are great for this. Find someone, that's part of the group that you advertise should be using your site and isn't who just happens to provide a little help to someone that is passionately against your product. Send minions to her home, her store, her club, her roleplay sim, her friends' homes, stores and sims and have them use your products to grief people. Then when she joins the battle have your minions be utter assholes and when she asks them to stop order your people to claim shes harassing them, cuss her out, then post the conversation to ridicule. Repeat with more people on the sidelines.

8) Have more minions then claim the opposition is harassing you. Pick minions with nearly empty sims, and have them be whitelisted access only sims so no one can prove you wrong (unless they happen to look at the map or traffic counts or whatver.) Have them claim to be non-stop harassed by alts of enemies. Have them create alts with names similar to your enemies to use as "proof" and then list the "ims" sent from these people. Oh and do it in patterns and grammar styles that don't match the supposed harassers AT ALL. If you can pick people attached to a random majorly well known product to do this so much the better. Especially, if its someone too dumb to manage to keep from making the same tell tell spelling errors as the "griefer" that she routinely makes when she's on the job for that product!

9) Claim to be making policy for Linden Lab. Because you know, people won't know there are entire teams that decide different policies individually or in groups, or that Linden Lab has you know actual lawyers (even if they aren't that great, they are still likely not as stupid as you want them to be) who research this stuff who would be far more likely to be asked then some two bit lawbreaking, moron who lives in his mothers basement apartment.

10) Claim you will comply with terms of service changes that you claimed to help write and then don't. You know things like providing the ability to opt in or out to ONLY one account of eighty to one hundred linked avatars and claiming that applies for them all... or providing a 60 second timer that if expires states they gave consent, never mind they might be afk, still rezzing in, or possibly crashed... or providing initials because it says you can't provide names, but doesn't say initials so like that has to be okay right?

EXTRA) if you really want to go over the top manage to not only discriminate against a group of people ... oh say the deaf... by attempting to force them to have media on, but also make fun of them so much (and spread such blatant lies about them) that it goes into the realm of being criminally malicious, violates the Americans with disabilities act, and makes you look like a fucking ignorant neo-nazi that would probably murder a deaf person if you thought you could get away with it.

Follow these rules and you can't go wrong. Who knows you might even meet me if my rl job happens to let me have the pleasure of crossing paths with you.


Anonymous said...

Extra Extra EXTRA

Get some looser to post about your product on the blogosphere...

Hitomi Tiponi said...

If any of you wonder what he is talking about just look at SLUniverse, where the story on the latest product about to be banned by LL is building.

Anonymous said...

Hey that's almost as good as the youtube video

Steve Noland, Stephen Mimiteh, Lickable Lisa and other alts said...

This was one of the best and funniest reads on this topic. thank you.

Anonymous said...

How to force the issue under ground :)

Anonymous said...

Redzone is not banned

Dragonlady Boa said...

redzone AND it's maker are banned from SL, double HA! AND the TOS has been changed to reflect it. Erm Triple HA!